The past week …

If there was a time when the phrase “where to begin” was appropriate it would be for this last week. I clearly missed my weekly post goal by two days but understandably so. Our newest addition to our family was born on the 12th of January at 5:59am. Being 40 and a father to a newborn agin is just unreal in my mind. He was born 6 1/2 weeks early and that alone causes so much anxiety. This little life we are now responsible for during the current climate in the world is a tad bit overwhelming. My struggles with anxiety are now at an all time high but I take things a day at a time. My hat is off to the wife for her strength and resolve. It’s as though she has to deal with a new born, a preteen and a grown man child.

With new life always comes the though for me regarding death. It test my faith at times to think of the what comes next? Is there a next? The absolute true unknown. It scares me to think of leaving behind a family, my kids and my life. As I get older I grow evermore concerned and try to find peace in prayer and the daily breathe in the morning of a new day. The occasional ache in my body send an alarm to my brain sometimes with irrational thoughts. I recently saw a meme of a young child a representative of life and a grim reaper we have come to normalize as death. The young child asked death why do people live me and hate you? Death reply’s by saying because you’re a beautiful lie and I am the painful truth. I think what death is trying to say is that we are caught up in life sometimes that we only look at death as an end and associate it with pain.

Life is not always beautiful and can be extremely painful. Many of us take for granted our time breathing and living. We are devastated when someone close is embraced by death. I will be the first to admit my fear of the unknown, my fear of death. I was raised in the church and the belief of heaven and of hell. As much as I truly believe there is always that fear and that doubt that I struggle with. So having said all that I ask for the blessing of positive thoughts and prayers for myself and my family as we navigate this new adventure in life as parents at 40 and a new sibling at 12. Pray for my doubt and my anxiety and know that all is appreciated. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the very best in life and even in death.

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