The past week …

If there was a time when the phrase “where to begin” was appropriate it would be for this last week. I clearly missed my weekly post goal by two days but understandably so. Our newest addition to our family was born on the 12th of January at 5:59am. Being 40 and a father to a newborn agin is just unreal in my mind. He was born 6 1/2 weeks early and that alone causes so much anxiety. This little life we are now responsible for during the current climate in the world is a tad bit overwhelming. My struggles with anxiety are now at an all time high but I take things a day at a time. My hat is off to the wife for her strength and resolve. It’s as though she has to deal with a new born, a preteen and a grown man child.

With new life always comes the though for me regarding death. It test my faith at times to think of the what comes next? Is there a next? The absolute true unknown. It scares me to think of leaving behind a family, my kids and my life. As I get older I grow evermore concerned and try to find peace in prayer and the daily breathe in the morning of a new day. The occasional ache in my body send an alarm to my brain sometimes with irrational thoughts. I recently saw a meme of a young child a representative of life and a grim reaper we have come to normalize as death. The young child asked death why do people live me and hate you? Death reply’s by saying because you’re a beautiful lie and I am the painful truth. I think what death is trying to say is that we are caught up in life sometimes that we only look at death as an end and associate it with pain.

Life is not always beautiful and can be extremely painful. Many of us take for granted our time breathing and living. We are devastated when someone close is embraced by death. I will be the first to admit my fear of the unknown, my fear of death. I was raised in the church and the belief of heaven and of hell. As much as I truly believe there is always that fear and that doubt that I struggle with. So having said all that I ask for the blessing of positive thoughts and prayers for myself and my family as we navigate this new adventure in life as parents at 40 and a new sibling at 12. Pray for my doubt and my anxiety and know that all is appreciated. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the very best in life and even in death.

2nd Sunday 2022

Good day to all. I have decided to make a commitment to blog something every Sunday through 2022. My original plan many years ago was to display artwork and poetry. To use this platform as a creative space for myself for others to follow. Although I will continue to do as such I wanted to take the opportunity to use this as a space to have a weekly blog. Nothing in particular come to mind and more then likely the post will be random thoughts, stories, pictures or even poetry. I would love any feed back or messages regarding my blog post and look forward to hearing from anyone. So today I start by saying welcome to my space.

40 years old and having my second child. I think for many 40 seems old. Hell, I think 40 is old in regards to having another child. This time is much different then before in regards to my overall attitude towards life. Although I don’t think now is the most safe time I human history to be having children I do think that life will go on past the Covid pandemic and many decades after. If it’s one thing we all are aware of it’s the resilience of human life. It’s my hopes that my children can one day read what I have written and reflect on my words to be used as an example to reference in their own lives. I like to think of myself as a realist with optimistic tendencies. So a note for my children both present and future know that a fathers job above all else is to protect and provide for his family It has always been the most important thing to me to ensure each of you have had a safe place to grow and become the persons you have chosen to be in life. I have also done everything I know how in order to provide the best quality of life possible in order to nurture your grow and help you become the persons you have chosen to be in life. As a father I want you each to understand that I am not personally responsible for your choices in life but I can only hope that through life I have been able to guide each of you in a direction that is best suited for the good of each of you and the others in your lives. Remember that no one is perfect but pointing out imperfections does no one any good. Our strengths are in our flaws and can help strengthen our character. Love not hate. Forgive and more forward never forgive and then dwell. Most importantly be there for each other always.

40

Some were never so lucky to make it to 40. As for others 40 was only halfway. Although I am not much into the actual number of years I have been alive but I do have that feeling of being blessed as I turn 40.

I remember being 12 years old mowing yards with my grandpa and aunt wondering what I’d be doing at their age. I was always curious about what the future had in store for me when I was a kid. I never really was much to plan for anything and have taken the approach in life as more of an experience.

Reflecting back over the years people tend to think of the different choices they could have made and the different outcomes those choices would have produced. I truly believe the choices I have made have lead me to be who I am today. I have experienced a life only unique to myself.

If you have been part of my journey in anyway over the last 40 years I’d like the opportunity to say thank you. I have so many memories and look forward to making so many more.

Life is a blessing we only experience once so go out and live.

Random thought

Teach children to love one another by showing love to one another. Let them love. Children follow the examples set. The only way to change our future is through changing the way we teach our futures. Let’s be better by setting the example. We each have the ability to make a better future for our children but we have to start with making ourselves better.

Just a thought

Expect failures to happpen through out life.

Never accept the failures but use them to learn from and prevent them from happening again.

We didn’t start walking before we learned to crawl. We didn’t didn’t start walking before we experienced a few falls.

Build in the expectation of failure and use those situations as tools to build off of and grow.