Did anyone else grow up saying this prayer …

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the lord my soul to keep. Angel watch me through the night and wake me with the morning light.

Then we would follow that with “and watch over mommy, daddy, brother and sister. Watch over grandma, grandpa, aunts and uncles. Watch over cousins, friends, everybody else and me it’s in your name I pray amen.”

Don’t know why but it’s come to mind lately. I pray that everyone is safe. If you haven’t heard it today I love you. Thank you for being you.

Continuing to see how many countless lives are lost on a daily basis can be upsetting. I am so beyond grateful for my life and the lives of anyone connected to my life. I would wish untimely death on absolutely nobody. The one thing I am completely afraid of is death. It’s not knowing what comes next or how I die but the idea that I one day will cease to exist on this earth. I have made memories with many and have been blessed with family and friends but to know that all goes away is a scary feeling. It makes me extremely sad. It causes me much anxiety. I can not imagine the loss of a parent or a spouse. I can not imagine the loss of one of my children. My whole heart aches with the tragic events we all see in the news. No explanation is needed or would be warranted. The fact is lives have been taken way to soon. I pray for those families. I also pray for our families and our children growing up in the world today. It’s not the same place I grew up in 30 years ago. Please take a moment to reflect on your life and how much it means to you. Then as you reflect do the same for those closest to you. As you do that reflect on the lives and memories of those you’ve lost along the way. Then do me one more favor and tell those around you to do the same. Change starts with a mindset. Change will not come from politics or governments. Change will only come when we change each other’s hearts. Love one another. It’s much easier to love then to hate. If you haven’t heard it today, I love you. Stay safe and stay blessed.

I have some of the absolute weirdest dreams. I dream of people in my past merging into my present day. It’s always comforting to see the familiar faces of those that were at one point so close to my heart. Every time I have one of these dreams I am jolted awake my by brain flooding itself of the memories of the past. It often leave me awake for hours in the middle of the night wondering about those people and how they are doing. I miss them.

It’s odd though as most people through the years tend to change. They grow to be different versions of the people they once were but someone inside is always that person who you once were. I reflect a lot more then most of who I was versus who I am now. I would like to think that a lot of who I was is still there and would be recognizable to those from my past. I would like to also think I have matured and grown as a person to become more understanding and a person of more patience. I am proud of the person I am and the life I have created for myself and am appreciative for those currently in my life. Part me yearns for those reconnecting moments with people that I held so closely to my heart during the journey to where I am now. That opportunity to have a conversation or meeting to catch up and to get a glimpse of their lives today.

We were all part of each other’s lives at some point. To be able to have those paths cross again at a different stage I think would be interesting. I would love to hear the opinions of me now versus me then. Dreams ever connect us to each other through the memories that were made. I am grateful for my dreams but at times they leave me longing for a connection that I worry I will never feel again.

Growing up I was instilled with a certain work ethic. Show up 10 minutes early to work because showing up early was on time and showing up on time was late. Showing up late wasn’t an option unless you had an actual emergency in which you at least called ahead. At work you listened to your boss regardless of how you felt. You may curse under your breathe or vent to family but you did what you were told out of respect and after all the liability was on the shot caller not you. Having a job was a commitment and that was just part of the commitment. Show up to work, listen and get paid.

I made a commitment to blog every Sunday. Let’s just say if this was my job I’d show up early listen to my boss and never miss a day. Like work, if I didn’t fulfill my commitments it would be considered disrespectful I wouldn’t be the stellar employee I was raised to be. All that to say I have failed to keep my commitment to blogging every Sunday and that is disrespectful to myself. I have let myself down and as the boss/leader I have let myself down.

I expect so much from those who actually do work for me. I set expectations and follow up on those expectations. I coach my team on how to be successful. I train my team to be self sufficient and encourage them to make choices. I have always looked to train my replacement just in case I move up or out.

By not blogging every Sunday I didn’t let anyone down. The world didn’t end. No money was lost. A business didn’t collapse. Family’s didn’t go hungry. But by not blogging every Sunday as I made a commitment to do I let my self down. I failed myself. I disrespected the commitment I made myself. Much like any failure I have learned from it.

The failure of keeping your commitments doesn’t always affect others but will most definitely affect you. It may seem silly but I hold myself to a better standard and as such I can’t afford to let myself down. The most important thing in any type of failure is to learn from it. So I will now recommit to my original commitment and push myself to hold myself to the expectations I hold to other.

Maybe this post resonates with others and maybe it doesn’t. Either way thanks for reading. Have blessed week.

Having an endoscopy on Tuesday and my nerves are shot. The internet is a great resource for information both good and bad. I have read how minor and easy the procedure can be but also read the horror stories of the procedure gone wrong. I finally feel more on the normal side with minimal chest pain and heartburn. I know having the endoscopy procedure could answer the lingering question of what is causing my discomfort but I am nervous.

My stress test, echo and imaging of the heart was all normal with no concerns seen by my cardiologist. I also had CT scan for blood clots that would have shown anything in my lungs and those images came back clean. So the next thing to check is my stomach by doing an endoscopy. Wish me luck. I am grateful my bowels are regular so that I was able to skip out on the colonoscopy for another 5 years. Minor win but I’ll take it.

Stress can obviously cause body pain, muscle pain and even a change in your mental state. The thing is I don’t feel stressed. We all of course have stressors in our day to day life’s but none that I feel are causing the kind of physical pain that I feel almost daily. Like the rest of the world I just want answers and possibly a long term solution. Growing older kinda sucks. These skin suits we have are not made to last forever but when they start deteriorating even in the slightest it is an uncomfortable realization of how short our time can be here on earth. I look forever to forever. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers and of course I will do the same.

We are all connected. Somehow and someway we are all connected. Not necessarily in the physical sense of being connected but in a way beyond the physical. Maybe spiritually we have a bond of connection. Maybe we are connected through others. The most honest and primitive way we are connected is through our DNA.

I say all of that to say this. Treat each other with respect. No matter how you are being treated be the person to be positive, level headed and respectful. This is challenging to do on a daily basis. If you change your perception and treat everyone as they are connected you may grow to understand situations and people a little better. Stay true to yourself but also respectful to other. Be connected. Stay connected.

I have always owned pets. Since I was in grade school I have had a variety a different pet companions. I once had a hermit crab that I told every secret to when I was in middle school and when he died it was like loosing my best friend. I continued this relationship with almost all my pets through the years. I would always grow attached knowing that one day they would either die or I would have to make the decision to euthanize due to health concerns or quality of life. I can honestly say it has never gotten any easier over the years and I would argue it only gets worse.

Today we had to euthanize our Simba cat that we have had almost 20 years. To think this cat is older then my oldest son is crazy. He has been through almost every adult milestone in our lives. The good and bad he was part of all of it. We have always had a cat even though I am more of a dog person. It still hits hard knowing that he is no longer going to be there. He goes to the grave having listened to many humans complain to him and use him for comfort through the years. He was a furry family member and that space can’t be filled.

I truly believe pets are a blessing. They hep calm the souls of their owners. They watch over of as we sleep. They listen when nobody seems to listen. They are completely without judgement. If you take care of them they take care of you in ways you may never understand. If you have a pet let them know that you care today. Maybe give them their favorite treat. Maybe tell them a story. Even if you don’t thing they understand you believe me they do. I will miss you Simba. Thank you for being such a cool cat. I hope that spirits meet again someday.