Person Inside You

“But don’t forget who you really are. And I’m not talking about your so-called real name. All names made up by someone else, even the one your parents gave you. You know who you really are. When you’re alone at night, looking up at the stars, or maybe lying in your bed in total darkness, you know that nameless person inside you.” -Louis Sachar

I love this quote. Think about the raw truth in the message. You can take away the name given to you and change it to whatever you’d like but when you are alone with yourself that is truly who you are. Nobody really ever knows the real you. You can tell someone they know you more then anyone and that may be true but only with the exception of you. It’s in those moments of solitude that speak the most to anyone. When you have those conversations with yourself. When you look in the mirror and reflect on the soul looking back at you. Who is the person inside you? Do you know that the person? Something to think about…

 

Think about it..

At some point you realize that you have done too much and that the next possible step is to stop. Leave it alone. Walk away. It’s not like you’re giving up and it’s not like you shouldn’t try. It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours would eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

Think about it!

 

Mumbled Mess

The sunshine’s another day through the remaining grey clouds from the storm the night before. So fitting is the mood for the day. Descriptions through words could not do justice to the feelings of the heart. The absence of what once was will never be filled. We give pieces of us to everyone we love not expecting to ever feel such a loss when they choose to leave. Caring is painful. Take a moment to reflect on different people that you have loved and the pain that was involved. Can you thing of a situation when there was no pain in loving. Even a parent feels the pain when their child grows to no longer depend on them. OF course we will always need our parents but the feeling of loss for them is still great. Think of that loved one that passed without a goodbye. Think of a friend that drifted apart. Think of an ex-boyfriend/husband or ex-girlfriend/wife. Do you get the point?? Please challenge this rational line of thinking. Keep in mind everything referred to are relationships of the Human kind not the spiritual kind. IF you are a believer in anything spiritual this is not that debate. Caring or Love is painful. So why do we love one another if we are aware that with this feeling and responsibility comes pain. We do so because caring is what makes us feel alive. Love is a reminder of mortality. Through the ages we have longed as a species to be remembered. If you live what is the point without leaving an impression on those you meet. Loving is the impression some of us choose to leave. So to all those reading I Love You. I may not agree with the choices you make in life. I may not have handled situations between us the corrected way but I promise every action was a reaction. I am humbled by the silence that many have elected to show me in life. For those that have made the choice to keep me in check in life I would like to say thank you. Remember me for being the person that would give the shirt off his back and his last dollar if it meant making sure someone he cared about could benefit from that shirt or that dollar. I am not flawed in caring I am flawed by caring about others more then myself. Choices I make in life seem selfish at times but when you look at the bigger picture and from my perspective I have always made the choice to help those that needed help. I have neglected many people in my life but most of all I have neglected my own self. So non specific is this post and so cryptic it would seem but please as a reader don’t overthink. I am unable to actually see who reads my post so please do me a favor and don’t ask me what this post is about or if this post is about you. If you feel like this post relates to you at all it probably does and if you read and think what a nut job he is then you didn’t get it and that is okay. Below are a few of my favorite quotes so enjoy and thank you for reading.

It’s never about being good enough for someone. That’s not your choice to make they made that for you when they choose you. Don’t strive to be good enough, strive to be the best you that you can be…

Never lose yourself while trying to hold onto someone who doesn’t care about losing you…

I’m always going to love you, and I’m going to hate me for not being enough…

The more you love, the more you suffer…

The greatest gift one can give is their love. That love picks you up when your down. That love that protects you. That love shows no limitations. That love that nobody really deserves. Not that what have you done lately. Not that I am passing through again love. Not that temporary love….

Beware of destination addiction: The idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job or even the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are…

If you’re allowing it then don’t complain about it. You deserve exactly what you settle for…

 

 

 

Center yourself…

Allowing ourselves to conform too the people around us for the sake of happiness is not happiness. Being an individual can be very lonely sometimes. The feeling of nobody around can be overwhelming and lead us back to situations that take us back to conforming for the sake of feeling happy. False happiness. We have to first learn to be alone in order to find true happiness. To find ourselves is the most important piece of advise anyone could have ever given me. To speak personally I don’t think I ever truly found myself but I found a way to be alone through art, through reading, through writing and through choosing to not conform. Don’t judge others for the short comings they feel like that have but embrace them for the individual that they are. Let them know they are not alone. Don’t be the friend that’s just around for the party but the friend that is there when the party isn’t around. See you on the journey of life. Everyone can learn something from anyone but we can’t learn about ourselves through others. Be an individual. Find yourself in the universe and make others smile.

Wordz

I can accept failure but what I can not accept is the failure to try.

We all fail at something during our journey. These failures make up who we become and define how we move forward.

When we make the choice to give up trying at anything we choose not to move forward.

Sure there are circumstances that are futile. But damn it if there is anyway for success it will only come from trying.

Keep trying. Reinvent the wheel. All of man kind from the beginning was built on failure but most importantly all of man kind was built on the continuation of trying.

 

Endeavors

VERB

Try hard to do or achieve something

NOUN

An attempt to achieve a goal

-Earnest and industrious effort, especially when sustained over a period of time

Will you ever know the true results of your endeavors? I am not so sure that you will. It is my belief that we so are so fluid that there is never really an end to what we seek out to accomplish. A goal in life could be simple in thought but when pursued turns so complex that it evolves from its original idea. Good luck on your endeavors this new year. Stay fluid and evolve and don’t be discouraged by change. Embrace complexity and admire simplicity.

Triggers

Have you ever just been taken back to another time by a trigger. The trigger of a familiar scent, sound, voice or surrounding? Have you had that moment when everything around your physical body seems to disappear and you appear to be staring blankly in space but the reality is you’re staring at a memory? You’re reliving a previous moment. That blank stare may only last a second in real time but it feels like forever. For everyone these triggers are different and as much as we wish they all bring back good memories they do not. Triggers take us back to dark moments in life just as much as they do precious moments. The one thing we can not escape is our own minds.

Who you were, who you are and who you will be are all different people. Who you were does not define who you are or who you will become. Who you are now will change and influence who you will become but remember who you were. You learn the most when you are honest with yourself and the hardest person to be honest with is yourself. Use the triggers for self-awareness and to learn. Re-live the moments good or bad and come out with some sort of understanding on how you can use these memories to better tomorrow. We may never know why we remember certain things versus other but I choice to believe are memories are like everything else in life they are teachable moments. They can teach us things about ourselves if we listen and are honest with ourselves.

Maybe this post made sense to you and maybe it did nothing for you. Either way thank you for reading. We can not run from ourselves but we can learn from ourselves. Live your life to inspire others and take the time to say thank you. Today I challenge you to say those to words to someone. Thank you.

The Thing About Writing

The thing about writing is that it is hard. I knew it wouldn’t be easy but I never expected it to be this difficult. I have read so many books and short stories both fiction and non-fiction trying to grasp for inspiration on a particular writing style. I have concluded that this maybe my biggest problem. I want to create a story but the truth is the story has already been created. What I want to write is right in front of me when I look in the mirror. What is preventing me from writing my story is not the lack of experience or lack of style. What is preventing me from writing my story is not the lack of knowledge or the lack of education. What is preventing me from writing my story is not the emotions other may feel. What is preventing me from writing my story is ME.

I am standing still looking at myself in the mirror. Looking into my brown eyes frozen as if I am expecting my reflection to tell me what to do. A tear runs down my cheek followed by another tear. Then the watering of my nose and the flush feeling in my ears as the blood rushes. I hear my heartbeat as I remain frozen crying to myself waiting for an answer. Then and only then do I realize that I am waiting for myself.

I am I ready to open up a lifetime of emotional scars? Am I ready to be honest not only with every reader but with myself? Do I want to experience the consequences? Would there be any consequences? Would it even matter to anyone what I wrote? All questions and a lot of self doubt. The thing about writing is…

 

What Can Be Said

I drive a lot. I can’t really say I go many places but I drive a lot. Destinations sometimes aren’t even set. I drive a lot. It’s my way to escape and always has been since I was able to drive. I have always found a connection to the road whether it be local streets or the open and almost seemingly limitless highways of Texas.  I turn the music on to get lost in my own head, each song taking me to a place I have been before. Most of the time the nostalgia will bring a tear to my eye as I relive a period my life through a 4 minute music worm hole. Then the next song plays transporting me to another period in my life and then repeat time and time again with each song that plays. I get lost in the memories and sometimes the memories are so raw I can feel the exact emotion I once felt.

On a recent work road trip I was driving 120 miles of what I like to consider the empty highway. I have driven  this particular stretch of highway many times in the period of 8 years. It was during this trip I relized how much is different the road was from the first time I had driven the road. The road has become wider to accomodate the amount of traffic the highways sees. What was once a gravel road is now asphalt road. What was once a two lane highway is now a four lane highway and at times there is even a middle lane. At a point in time the field on either side was either a field of cotton or that of farmland rich with mesquite trees and cows. Now on either side you’ll see oil derects, cotton fields, new homes, and of course farmland. Looking just right in the horizon though you will always see open sky and what appears to be an endless road. So much has happened over this 8 year period of time for this particular road. So much has happened over this 8 year period of time in my life.

As I drive I sometimes imagine where some of the side roads would lead. If I turned off to see would I have to turn around or would this connect me somehow back in line to my orignal destination? It is true that every road leads somewhere. If my life where a story to tell it would be that of a boy, a young man and a man that travels down roads while on a highway of life.

Everybody has a highway and some elect to stay on theirs for safety. My highway is full of turnoffs but those turnoffs will eventually make one hell of a story. I like to look at my life through analogies sometimes. While I drive literally down memory lane I realize how much I have traveled. The driver has always been the same but much like the highway I was recently on many things change over time. Now of course the driver grows and changes as well but still inside that driver are all the memories unlocked while he travels.

There is an expression that I have heard people say “sometimes I drive to clear my head”. I have always laughed on the inside because I know you drive to fill your head.

I would never change a road I traveled. Each road has given me the opportunity and time to learn more about myself. I have many more roads to travel while driving down my highway. I hope to meet some incrediable people. I hope to share many moments that will last with me till the end. I hope some are as unforgeable as ones before. Hopefully some of the roads I travel will lead me to familar places. I drive a alot. I can’t really say I go a lot of places but I drive a lot.

Goal over Expectations

In my previous post I wrote about teaching goals over expectations to my son and I would like to elaborate….

A goal is a desired result or outcome that a person envisions, plans and commits to achieve.

An expectation, which is a belief that centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected, it is a surprise.

I have set many goals in life and when I have applied myself through a plan and really committed I have accomplished my said goals. I have also set many goals in which I have not accomplished due to lack of commitment and resolve.

I have lived part of my life with expectations for myself and expectations I have had for others. Many times letting myself down as well as being felt as if others were letting me down.

I have also experienced the euphoria of having something unexpected happen.

So why goals over expectations? A goal can be changed and altered. A goal requires a thought  processes in which we plan out, commit too and work towards accomplishing. We are able to control our goals because they are ours to plan and alter as we see fit.

Expectations on the other  hand have too many variables. To expect anything is in itself a ridiculous thought of entitlement.  If all through life you expect that this, that and the other is done for you and that fails to happen the disappointment is sure to make even the sweetest person sour. Why live life through expectation just to be let down. However, when working to achieve something through setting goals and having something unexpected happen in your favor is an amazing feeling but I caution you to appreciate the moment a continue on trying to accomplish the goal you have set.

Do not go through life with expectations of yourself or others and you will not be disappointed. Set goals for yourself to accomplish and be happy when unexpected things happen. Take advantage of any opportunities that may come your way and seize them as you see fit but remember the goals you set. Think things through but never expect.