Thoughts

While driving through the semiarid plains in Texas for work my mind drifted to an early time. Now it could have been because I was thinking of my young son and the challenges he faces going to a new school and being the “new kid” or as often as not it could have just been some unknown trigger that had me thinking about being a kid again. Either way I began drifting in and out of random memories.

My biggest challenge as a father is finding a way to teach my son from the many lessons that I have learned in life. I look at how I was brought up and the different things both my parents taught me. I am humbled when I think of how they at times struggled to provide for our family and somehow we as children never really saw this struggle. I also look back at growing up and realize the huge differences between how I was raised verses by brother and even verses my sister. I was the oldest sibling in the household so I experienced the struggle of having nothing all the way through to the struggle of having something. Either way it could be written it was a struggle. My mother taught me to love and be caring toward others. My dad taught me to stand up for myself cause nobody else would. They both taught me that if I wanted something I would have to work for it because things would not be handed to me. It was tough love from both sides and as sensitive as I was on the inside I learned quickly to internalize.

What could I teach my son from what I have learned over the years…

I will teach my son goals over expectations

I will teach my son love instead of hate

I will teach my  son that each decision we make has different challenges and consequences and to think it through before making choices

I will teach my son not to regret but to embrace the decisions that he makes and take responsibility for his actions

In the end I will teach my son as much as I can based on the knowledge that I have acquired over my years of living but what I can not teach is how to live life. We are given two things when we are born into this world the first is life and other is the certainty of death. We spend several years under our parent watch being molded to view life a certain way, to live a certain way and then we reach an age where we have to make a decision on what we want to do with our life. At a certain point it becomes our life, full of uncertainty with so many blank pages to to written on. I can not teach my son what to write for his story. I can only support him when he needs a friend and be there when he needs a father. I am excited to watch as he journeys through life.

 

 

Why a Blog

Why a blog indeed…

A few months ago I was inspired to write a book. The book in all honestly was going to be about all my experiences in life with the opposite sex. The book would include my first crushes as a young male, my first experience of love, my first experience of lust and my experiences in relationships of all sorts. I began to write down an outline to have a kinda guide while writing. I spent a little bit mulling over if I wanted to start with current experiences in life to where it all began or just start at the beginning. I could not decide where to begin so instead just made the choice to start free writing in regards to people and how their relationships came to be and the outcome and lessons learned. Now here is the honest truth, I made it through one actual relationship and after rereading the 20 pages I wrote realized it did not really say a damn thing. (dramatic pause)

Writing is fucking hard. Now in no way at all did I think writing a book was going to be easy. In no way did I also think writing a book with the desired content was going to be any easier. BUT DAMN. I am not going to say that I am giving up on my goal of writing a book but I will say that  it is in my best interest for success to practice writing.

My content in this blog will be honest. Honestly in a sense can sometimes be raw and come across in many ways. Honesty can be hurtful. Honestly can be depressing. Honesty can be saddening. When it comes to the way I write I just want to be honest. So if I offend you as a reader, if I hurt your feelings or make you have sadden feelings I am not sorry I am just being honest.

I can say that I will cover a wide range of random topics and some may pertain to some of you reading or maybe it will feel like it pertains to some of you that are reading. I just want to practice on an active audience so please I encourage the feed back even it it hurts. I can tell you grammatically it’s going to be a mess. English was my worst subject at any level in school. I hope that the blog I have begun and this journey are something that you as a reader finds fun, entertaining and worth while. So thank you for reading and enjoy future post. I hope I answered the question of why a blog.