Pets

I have always owned pets. Since I was in grade school I have had a variety a different pet companions. I once had a hermit crab that I told every secret to when I was in middle school and when he died it was like loosing my best friend. I continued this relationship with almost all my pets through the years. I would always grow attached knowing that one day they would either die or I would have to make the decision to euthanize due to health concerns or quality of life. I can honestly say it has never gotten any easier over the years and I would argue it only gets worse.

Today we had to euthanize our Simba cat that we have had almost 20 years. To think this cat is older then my oldest son is crazy. He has been through almost every adult milestone in our lives. The good and bad he was part of all of it. We have always had a cat even though I am more of a dog person. It still hits hard knowing that he is no longer going to be there. He goes to the grave having listened to many humans complain to him and use him for comfort through the years. He was a furry family member and that space can’t be filled.

I truly believe pets are a blessing. They hep calm the souls of their owners. They watch over of as we sleep. They listen when nobody seems to listen. They are completely without judgement. If you take care of them they take care of you in ways you may never understand. If you have a pet let them know that you care today. Maybe give them their favorite treat. Maybe tell them a story. Even if you don’t thing they understand you believe me they do. I will miss you Simba. Thank you for being such a cool cat. I hope that spirits meet again someday.

Death

Although we are all aware of death and have the wherewithal to know we are going to die it does not make the realization any easier. This week has been full of tragedy for so many of those I know.

It started with a woman that works for the same company as I do. She was found unresponsive at home and they were unable to revive her. She was 40 years old and that happens to be my age. Makes you take the time and think about life and how precious it is and also how much we sometimes take everyday for granted.

Yesterday I received word that my first cousin once removed and her 6 year old son where involved in a car accident that ended both of their lives. She was only 23 years old. I was brought up believing that God has a plan for each of us and when tragedies like these occur it’s hard to believe that such a loss could be part of any plan. I do believe though that everything happens for a reason even if we don’t always understand that reason. Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers and also say a prayer for the other individual invoked in the tragic accident.

Today I got word that a friend of my parents mother passed away after being diagnosed with Covid pneumonia. She lived a full life into her 80’s but still seemingly taken to soon by a contributing virus that 2 yrs ago didn’t exist. My thoughts and prayers go out to their families as well during their time of mourning.

To continue the bad news for the day I was informed that another co worker lost her father. I don’t have any details regarding his passing but I can only begin to imagine the pain she is feeling with the loss of her father. We have had conversations about family and always her father was a huge influence in her life and was her rock. I pray for her and her family during this time.

Death is all around us. There is no cure for death and there is no way of knowing when your last year, month, day or even hour might be. I struggle with anxiety and more so lately with the stress of a new baby, demanding job and new health issues with being a type 2 diabetic. Like many of you I do not care to die anytime soon. I am doing my best to take care of myself so that I can be around as long as possible. I am not scared of dying so mush as I am more scared of not living to see my boys get older.

I’ll say a prayer this evening for all the families that I mentioned that have experienced loss this week. I ask that you all say a prayer for my family as well as me personally. Send out positive thoughts always. Take the time this week to reach out to someone you haven’t talked to in awhile and just say hi. Call your mom or dad and tell them you love them. Call a grandparent, sibling or a extended family member. Don’t miss the opportunity to tell those around you that your care. Lastly understand that life is to short and that we only have a little time on earth to show caring and kindness. Spend time being more compassionate and less time being indifferent towards others. Have a blessed week.

Welcome Home

After 18 days in NICU our new addition Tandan Levi has made it home. It has been an emotionally draining month. The oldest boy caught Covid causing a quarantine in the middle of the newest kiddo’s NICU stent. Having the ability of FaceTime was a blessing during it all for the family but of course it’s never the same as in person contact. Luckily he was in good hands at the hospital as the oldest was in good hands at home. Blessed are we with so many gifts and well wishes. Thank you all for the prayers and support.

This next week will be challenging with work and getting in the groove of a new baby at home. Keep us in prayers. I also have a Cardiologist appointment later in the week so cross my finger and toes my ticker is healthy. I will continue to sent out positive energy and prayers to all those that have been affected during this pandemic to find peace and healing. Thanks for the read.

Different kinda pain

So my oldest son (12) has tested positive for Covid. It breaks my heart to have to quarantine him to a separate room. His mother, my mother in law and myself have tested negative but of course have to quarantine as well to be safe. Although he is doing great and only seems to have a soar throat as the only system the loneliness of having to be separate from your own family in your own home mentally sucks. To top it all off we have a 12 day old kiddo in NICU who still hasn’t made it home yet as he was just a little early coming into the world. It’s a different kinda pain to not be able to go to the hospital and spend time with this little boy. I can’t imagine the mental stress and emotional stress my wife is going through internally. She remains as calm as she can and puts on a brave face but I know it’s eating at her. We talk and I comfort the best I can but everyone has that internal feeling you keep to yourself. Although I know he is in the best place possible and in the care of some amazing people it hurts to not be able to see him for even just a couple hours. I will continue to pray every day and night for the safety of our family and the safety of all the people in our lives and those people around the world going through so much with Covid. I hope if you’re reading this you’ll say a selfless prayer for as many people as possible and if you do not believe in God then send out positive energy to the people world. The power of prayer is also the power of positivity and we all need more positivity in our lives. Thanks for reading and thanks ahead a time for the prayers and positivity. Remember it’s easier to love then to hate.

The past week …

If there was a time when the phrase “where to begin” was appropriate it would be for this last week. I clearly missed my weekly post goal by two days but understandably so. Our newest addition to our family was born on the 12th of January at 5:59am. Being 40 and a father to a newborn agin is just unreal in my mind. He was born 6 1/2 weeks early and that alone causes so much anxiety. This little life we are now responsible for during the current climate in the world is a tad bit overwhelming. My struggles with anxiety are now at an all time high but I take things a day at a time. My hat is off to the wife for her strength and resolve. It’s as though she has to deal with a new born, a preteen and a grown man child.

With new life always comes the though for me regarding death. It test my faith at times to think of the what comes next? Is there a next? The absolute true unknown. It scares me to think of leaving behind a family, my kids and my life. As I get older I grow evermore concerned and try to find peace in prayer and the daily breathe in the morning of a new day. The occasional ache in my body send an alarm to my brain sometimes with irrational thoughts. I recently saw a meme of a young child a representative of life and a grim reaper we have come to normalize as death. The young child asked death why do people live me and hate you? Death reply’s by saying because you’re a beautiful lie and I am the painful truth. I think what death is trying to say is that we are caught up in life sometimes that we only look at death as an end and associate it with pain.

Life is not always beautiful and can be extremely painful. Many of us take for granted our time breathing and living. We are devastated when someone close is embraced by death. I will be the first to admit my fear of the unknown, my fear of death. I was raised in the church and the belief of heaven and of hell. As much as I truly believe there is always that fear and that doubt that I struggle with. So having said all that I ask for the blessing of positive thoughts and prayers for myself and my family as we navigate this new adventure in life as parents at 40 and a new sibling at 12. Pray for my doubt and my anxiety and know that all is appreciated. Thank you for reading and I wish you all the very best in life and even in death.

2nd Sunday 2022

Good day to all. I have decided to make a commitment to blog something every Sunday through 2022. My original plan many years ago was to display artwork and poetry. To use this platform as a creative space for myself for others to follow. Although I will continue to do as such I wanted to take the opportunity to use this as a space to have a weekly blog. Nothing in particular come to mind and more then likely the post will be random thoughts, stories, pictures or even poetry. I would love any feed back or messages regarding my blog post and look forward to hearing from anyone. So today I start by saying welcome to my space.

40 years old and having my second child. I think for many 40 seems old. Hell, I think 40 is old in regards to having another child. This time is much different then before in regards to my overall attitude towards life. Although I don’t think now is the most safe time I human history to be having children I do think that life will go on past the Covid pandemic and many decades after. If it’s one thing we all are aware of it’s the resilience of human life. It’s my hopes that my children can one day read what I have written and reflect on my words to be used as an example to reference in their own lives. I like to think of myself as a realist with optimistic tendencies. So a note for my children both present and future know that a fathers job above all else is to protect and provide for his family It has always been the most important thing to me to ensure each of you have had a safe place to grow and become the persons you have chosen to be in life. I have also done everything I know how in order to provide the best quality of life possible in order to nurture your grow and help you become the persons you have chosen to be in life. As a father I want you each to understand that I am not personally responsible for your choices in life but I can only hope that through life I have been able to guide each of you in a direction that is best suited for the good of each of you and the others in your lives. Remember that no one is perfect but pointing out imperfections does no one any good. Our strengths are in our flaws and can help strengthen our character. Love not hate. Forgive and more forward never forgive and then dwell. Most importantly be there for each other always.

40

Some were never so lucky to make it to 40. As for others 40 was only halfway. Although I am not much into the actual number of years I have been alive but I do have that feeling of being blessed as I turn 40.

I remember being 12 years old mowing yards with my grandpa and aunt wondering what I’d be doing at their age. I was always curious about what the future had in store for me when I was a kid. I never really was much to plan for anything and have taken the approach in life as more of an experience.

Reflecting back over the years people tend to think of the different choices they could have made and the different outcomes those choices would have produced. I truly believe the choices I have made have lead me to be who I am today. I have experienced a life only unique to myself.

If you have been part of my journey in anyway over the last 40 years I’d like the opportunity to say thank you. I have so many memories and look forward to making so many more.

Life is a blessing we only experience once so go out and live.