Goal over Expectations

In my previous post I wrote about teaching goals over expectations to my son and I would like to elaborate….

A goal is a desired result or outcome that a person envisions, plans and commits to achieve.

An expectation, which is a belief that centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. If something happens that is not at all expected, it is a surprise.

I have set many goals in life and when I have applied myself through a plan and really committed I have accomplished my said goals. I have also set many goals in which I have not accomplished due to lack of commitment and resolve.

I have lived part of my life with expectations for myself and expectations I have had for others. Many times letting myself down as well as being felt as if others were letting me down.

I have also experienced the euphoria of having something unexpected happen.

So why goals over expectations? A goal can be changed and altered. A goal requires a thought  processes in which we plan out, commit too and work towards accomplishing. We are able to control our goals because they are ours to plan and alter as we see fit.

Expectations on the other  hand have too many variables. To expect anything is in itself a ridiculous thought of entitlement.  If all through life you expect that this, that and the other is done for you and that fails to happen the disappointment is sure to make even the sweetest person sour. Why live life through expectation just to be let down. However, when working to achieve something through setting goals and having something unexpected happen in your favor is an amazing feeling but I caution you to appreciate the moment a continue on trying to accomplish the goal you have set.

Do not go through life with expectations of yourself or others and you will not be disappointed. Set goals for yourself to accomplish and be happy when unexpected things happen. Take advantage of any opportunities that may come your way and seize them as you see fit but remember the goals you set. Think things through but never expect.

Thoughts

While driving through the semiarid plains in Texas for work my mind drifted to an early time. Now it could have been because I was thinking of my young son and the challenges he faces going to a new school and being the “new kid” or as often as not it could have just been some unknown trigger that had me thinking about being a kid again. Either way I began drifting in and out of random memories.

My biggest challenge as a father is finding a way to teach my son from the many lessons that I have learned in life. I look at how I was brought up and the different things both my parents taught me. I am humbled when I think of how they at times struggled to provide for our family and somehow we as children never really saw this struggle. I also look back at growing up and realize the huge differences between how I was raised verses by brother and even verses my sister. I was the oldest sibling in the household so I experienced the struggle of having nothing all the way through to the struggle of having something. Either way it could be written it was a struggle. My mother taught me to love and be caring toward others. My dad taught me to stand up for myself cause nobody else would. They both taught me that if I wanted something I would have to work for it because things would not be handed to me. It was tough love from both sides and as sensitive as I was on the inside I learned quickly to internalize.

What could I teach my son from what I have learned over the years…

I will teach my son goals over expectations

I will teach my son love instead of hate

I will teach my  son that each decision we make has different challenges and consequences and to think it through before making choices

I will teach my son not to regret but to embrace the decisions that he makes and take responsibility for his actions

In the end I will teach my son as much as I can based on the knowledge that I have acquired over my years of living but what I can not teach is how to live life. We are given two things when we are born into this world the first is life and other is the certainty of death. We spend several years under our parent watch being molded to view life a certain way, to live a certain way and then we reach an age where we have to make a decision on what we want to do with our life. At a certain point it becomes our life, full of uncertainty with so many blank pages to to written on. I can not teach my son what to write for his story. I can only support him when he needs a friend and be there when he needs a father. I am excited to watch as he journeys through life.

 

 

Why a Blog

Why a blog indeed…

A few months ago I was inspired to write a book. The book in all honestly was going to be about all my experiences in life with the opposite sex. The book would include my first crushes as a young male, my first experience of love, my first experience of lust and my experiences in relationships of all sorts. I began to write down an outline to have a kinda guide while writing. I spent a little bit mulling over if I wanted to start with current experiences in life to where it all began or just start at the beginning. I could not decide where to begin so instead just made the choice to start free writing in regards to people and how their relationships came to be and the outcome and lessons learned. Now here is the honest truth, I made it through one actual relationship and after rereading the 20 pages I wrote realized it did not really say a damn thing. (dramatic pause)

Writing is fucking hard. Now in no way at all did I think writing a book was going to be easy. In no way did I also think writing a book with the desired content was going to be any easier. BUT DAMN. I am not going to say that I am giving up on my goal of writing a book but I will say that  it is in my best interest for success to practice writing.

My content in this blog will be honest. Honestly in a sense can sometimes be raw and come across in many ways. Honesty can be hurtful. Honestly can be depressing. Honesty can be saddening. When it comes to the way I write I just want to be honest. So if I offend you as a reader, if I hurt your feelings or make you have sadden feelings I am not sorry I am just being honest.

I can say that I will cover a wide range of random topics and some may pertain to some of you reading or maybe it will feel like it pertains to some of you that are reading. I just want to practice on an active audience so please I encourage the feed back even it it hurts. I can tell you grammatically it’s going to be a mess. English was my worst subject at any level in school. I hope that the blog I have begun and this journey are something that you as a reader finds fun, entertaining and worth while. So thank you for reading and enjoy future post. I hope I answered the question of why a blog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I Okay

I feel that it if fitting to start my first blog post with the title “Am I Okay”. In the past week alone at least a dozen people have asked me that question. I have had acquaintances, friends, family and some persons that I thought had forgotten I even existed contact me in regards to me being okay. I began to wonder what exactly have I done for so many people to be asking that question? Have I changed my appearance, my attitude or anything to attribute to my presence as a person? Have I changed anything in my social media platform in regards to the content that I post or my consistency? What is everyone seeing that I am not seeing in myself?

To shed some light on me as a person I would describe myself as informed. People gravitate towards me in a way that makes them comfortable to carry on a personable conversation with usually very little limitations. I am very much a people person and love conversation. I would say I am an easily likable person. Of course that is what I would say…. Others have described me as initially intimidating and tough to speak with until the effort is made to actually have a conversation.  Once I get to know you I tend to initiate conversation very regularly and always seem to ask the question “How are you today?” or “How’s it going?”. If you are a closer friend and I know you more intimately I may ask about a certain circumstance going on in your life but all the same the question I always tend to ask is How’s it going? So that’s kinda me, the person that is always wondering about other people and always free to share my opinion or my experience in relation to something that you may be going through. So why is it all of a sudden I am being asked that question of “Am I Okay”?

I’ll be honest I didn’t put much thought into everyone asking that question until a distant friend I haven’t spoken with or seen in months text me that very question. Kinda strange how the universe works sometimes. Now please understand that her text wasn’t anything alarming or different from anyone else asking the same question but the irony involved made me question myself and the thought of being okay. Again I ask all the questions to myself as I stated in the first paragraph only to conclude the following…. I stopped asking.

I didn’t stop asking because I stopped caring. I didn’t stop asking because I was getting no response. I didn’t stop asking because people never asked back. I just simply stopped asking. Basically I didn’t stop asking for any particular reason. To everyone reading this that is an acquaintance of mine, a friend or even a family member I would like to ask are you okay? I think you’ll find that a very difficult question to answer. It’s not difficult in terms of simplicity but seriously think about that question. Are you okay? I will be the first to speak in generalities and tell you that yes I am okay but I will also tell you there are a lot of things in my life I am not okay with. I think you will find the same holds true to you. Overall the general feeling is that we are all okay but that doesn’t really mean a whole lot when you dig deeper now does it. Next time you’re ask that question I employ you to answer with “Yes I am okay but ________”  and see where the conversation leads. Or if you are the person asking the question and the vague response is “yeah I am okay” follow up with something to dig deeper and show that you truly care. I mean after all if we are going to ask that question shouldn’t we want to know more then if the person we are speaking to is okay or not? If  we are going to answer that question don’t we really want to say more then yes I am okay? I challenge you to start today and ask that follow up question or answer that question with just a little more detail.

Let me start by saying I am not okay. In general I am okay but lots of things in life are screwed up and how we as a human race treat one another is disheartening. Be kind and show love. Keep your mind open to other peoples perspectives and treat others the way you would like to be treated. I am in no way saying change who you are to conform to others but be respectful to get respected. To all those who know me personally I would like to say thank you for sharing  your lives with me and as you know I am always here when you need a friend.